Most of the people I encounter treat me really nicely and show respect and are truly grateful that I've come from the other side of the earth to help them improve their lives and the lives of their children. And this certainly makes it easier for me when I’m far away from my family, friends and culture and the country I’m used to.

Then there are those people who aren't so friendly and who seem to try to cause trouble and I'm also grateful that there are not so many like this. I work hard at being happy every day and treating others the way I’d like to be treated and get along well with about 99 percent of them. In fact, many of them seem like family to me and I feel close to them and care for them deeply and I’m sure they do the same for me.

If you encounter conflicts with others, there are certain ways to follow that I know can help you get past the conflict faster and easier. I've studied these sorts of things because I feel that it’s something we all should learn. Here are the principles I've found that seem to work well in dealing with such people or situations:

1. Don't take it personally.

We’re all sensitive enough to be at least a little offended if someone does something that upsets us or makes us angry. But, the truth is that most people who have trouble with you also have trouble with others, especially if you’re generally not a troublemaker. And, anyway, everyone has problems from time to time, while a few seem to be trouble much of the time. So, the trouble they cause you is just something that’s with them no matter where they are of whom they encounter. By this I mean, it has nothing to do with you except that you happened to be there at that time.

2. Choose 'wisdom' over ‘being right'.

The point here is that you shouldn’t argue with those kinds of people. Instead, try to be wise because it will serve you well. People who are troublemakers get some kind of satisfaction simply by arguing with others or causing trouble for them. I run into people like this from time to time and prefer to just examine the situation and try to be wise in my response.

3. Limit what you say.

What this means is that saying nothing often says more than saying something, especially if the 'something' you want to say is trying to prove that you’re right. This is what I've learned from some Chinese, who trust more how they feel about you than the ability to win an argument. This is 'choosing wisdom'. A man told me once, 'Your friends don't need an explanation for your actions or your life; and your enemies will never believe one [an explanation].'

4. Don't discuss the matter with others.

While I believe that it can be helpful to discuss a problem with someone who is very close to you and who can make a beneficial comment, you should not discuss the matter with others. If you do, it makes you feel worse and will likely make the situation worse because they probably won’t want to hear about it.

5. Choose happiness instead.

It’s common for people to want to debate 'right and wrong’, but it is still better to choose happiness over 'right and wrong'. Remember what I said in point No.3 - friends don't need an explanation. They know you. And they know your heart and your character.

6. Choose friends that can help you be a better, stronger person.

There’s an old adage in the form of a question: "How can two walk together unless they agree?" This suggests that we like people who like us and we like people who are like us. In other words, we’re attracted to people, as we say in the West, who we 'see eye to eye' with. This does not mean that we don't challenge each other from time to time to be better and grow. We do that. But we do it with an attitude of wanting to be better people and live our lives with more happiness.

7. Prepare yourself for conflicts.

It’s good that you’re reading this now. And I’d like to encourage you to read more about getting along with people and how to handle people with conflicts. Make a plan on how to handle them and try following the principles above to help you to deal with them more effectively. Thing about how best to handle difficult situations and your increased awareness of such things and willingness to learn will serve you well in life by giving you greater happiness and peace of mind.

The original blog: http://blog.chinadaily.com.cn/blog-787069-20311.html