Older common law couples on the rise
( 2003-08-14 09:10) (China Daily)
More and more elderly people in Beijing have chosen to live together as common law couples without getting married - a trend one local official says might leave the female parties vulnerable.
"Before passion assumes the upper hand, elderly people, especially women, should ponder the consequences of forsaking proper legal protection," said Yi Mi, vice-president of the local elderly people's federation.
"Winning the support of their children can make things easier in such cases."
Yi yesterday recalled a case in which a widowed mother declined the request of her daughter to take care of a newly born grandchild, then moved out to live with a man. Since the elderly couple did not get married, the mother was left in a dire situation several years later after the man died.
"Legally speaking, the mother has no right to the property of the old man, including the housing where she used to live with the man. But her daughter is reluctant to take her back," said Yi.
Yi believes such a result is undesirable for the elderly who take up with somebody late in life mostly in order to dispel loneliness.
And losing the love and concern of their children would be the last thing most elderly would like to see in a Chinese culture upholding the importance of families and an "unbreakable blood relationship."
In fact, said Yi, winning the understanding and support of the children is no longer difficult. Gone are the old days when some children would rudely forbid their parents from getting remarried.
"Largely, Chinese society has accepted the idea that elderly people still need a social life and have a legally-guaranteed right to enjoy it," she said.
As for why so many elderly people would like to live together without marriage, Yi called that a kind of self-protection.
"Most elderly people only want another person to share their daily happiness and sadness. If another marriage will bring troubles which stem largely from stirring up their offspring's concerns over heritage, most would choose to avoid the troubles," said Yi.
Moreover, the divorce rate is high among remarried elderly couples, which, in many cases, is caused by disputes over property.
Chinese society has shown a surprisingly tolerant attitude towards the elderly choosing to live together without marrying in common law arrangements.
The famous Sohu website recently held a survey on people's attitude towards the issue, and 90 per cent of the 4,297 respondents approved.
Still, Yi urges elderly women to be more cautious and not rush into anything.
One cruel fact is Chinese women, in general, expect to live several years longer than Chinese men, in addition to the fact that Chinese tradition prefers older husbands and younger wives.
That is why the proportion of widowed women in the over-65 age group in Beijing nearly triples that of widowed men.
Yi suggests elderly women keep independence in mind and try for true love from comparable counterparts.
"In most cases similar backgrounds carry similar concepts of values, which will win them respect from the children more easily," said Yi.
"Although China has fairly developed its social mechanism in the past few years to take care of the elderly, concerns and support from the children are still essential."
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