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To wed: For yourself or your parents?

(Shanghai Daily/Agencies)
Updated: 2008-06-29 10:23

Role of the bride and bridegroom

1. Barricade the door

The bridegroom must pick up the bride at her home around noon. The banquet itself starts in the evening.

Upon arriving, the bridegroom's party will be barred by the bride's friends, who will not open the door and "surrender" the bride until they are given hong bao (red envelop of money). This is the occasion of much good-natured haggling before the two parties agree.

2. Serving tea

After the bridegroom enters the bride's house, the newlyweds together will kneel down to serve tea to the bride's parents.

The bride expresses her appreciation for her parents' care, and the bridegroom promises to take good care of their daughter.

3. Sweet soup

Then the couple will eat sweet soup made of lotus seeds (lianzi) and jujubes (hongzao). In Chinese, the combination of lotus seeds and jujubes means "having a son soon."

4. Leave the wealth

When the bride is about to leave her home, she will be carried on the back of her brother, cousin or uncle (a male relative, not her father). This signifies that by joining another family the bride will not take luck and wealth away from her parents' home.

5. Three bows

During the very important wedding ceremony, usually at the banquet, the couple bows three times: first to Heaven and Earth, then to their parents, finally to each other. Then they are really married.

6. Jiao bei jiu (union of wine cups)

The bridegroom and the bride each take a glass of wine and stand facing each other. Then, with their arms intertwined, they drink. This means the marriage has bonded the two tightly together.

7. Toasting and cigarette lighting

Everybody agrees this is the most tiring part of the wedding. The newlyweds must go to each table (of at least 10 people) and toast everyone to thank them for coming. More than one tipsy bride has toppled.

The bride must light cigarettes for all men present, because the word for "light" (yang) in Chinese sounds like the word for "luck." The idea is making it difficult to light, so the bride must keep trying and the guests must repeatedly use the word.

8. Nao dongfang (tease in the bridal chamber)

After the wedding banquet, which usually takes around three hours, the newlywed's relatives and friends crowd into the bridal chamber to tease the couple.

For guests, it is often the most fun, but can be difficult for the bride and bridegroom, especially since they have been drinking. The guests will come up with funny - and sometimes embarrassing - tricks, games or skits that the couple will perform in front of everyone.

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