Quickie divorces on the rise for post-1980s generation
By Zhang Xi (chinadaily.com.cn)Updated: 2007-05-23 14:33
Twenty-three-year-old divorced couple Xiao Zhu and Zhi Qiang were former classmates and got married right after college graduation. They believed they would have a happy marriage since they loved each other deeply. However, soon after they found out the real problems of living together everyday.
The former "prince" and "princess" in their respective families could not make ends meet because they spent all their money and had to ask for more from their parents. For example, though they did not have enough savings, they each bought computers, digital cameras and MP3 players because they did not want to share these things with each other. And if one bought a new mobile phone, the other would immediately change his or her old phone to "compete" with the other. But they didn't care about doing housework, since neither of them knew how to cook or clean. After arguing with each other for a year, they got divorced.
Apart from not knowing how to live together, these young
couples usually cannot bear dissatisfaction from their parents-in-laws, who
often visit their children's home to "check" if everything is fine or even live
with the new couple.
Divorcee Lin Xiao complained: "We moved away from our parents after
marriage but my former mother-in-law kept coming to our home everyday to see
whether I looked after her son well enough and asked me to cook her son's
favorite dishes. But my parents usually let my ex-husband and I have dinners at
their home to ease my pressure. Therefore my ex mother-in-law was very unhappy
since she thought I should cook for my husband every day," Lin said. "But why
should I do this? Couldn't my ex-husband cook for me?" Her ex-husband also
admitted they were tired of quarreling about each other's parents and decided to
divorce.
Chen Zhixiong, a psychologist in southern China's Guangdong province revealed the major obstacle of marriages for the post-1980s generation is their selfishness. As both were the only child in their families, their parents tolerated their bad behavior. So once husbands and wives have a conflict, neither of them wants to apologise to the other, and they depend on others to take care of them. Both behave like children; therefore, trivial matters may cause arguments or even divorce.
Chen said, this kind of "child-child" marriage pattern is the most unstable
relationship couples can have. If these 20-somethings want to have a solid
marriage, they have to understand and tolerate each other to have an
"adult-adult" relationship.
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